effondrement
all is lost
no direction
city
people
university
career
country
bureaucracy
love
money
family
time
all throwing me
in different directions
so that (as They say):
i have none.
*
i can't focus my eyes
without something sure to see
(there is nothing, of course, i know that but...)
suddenly i've not even the illusion of surety
to see to, to look after, to cling to
because everything is blurring and slipping
my eyes are bleeding and my organs are crying
heavy wind and rain would be welcome relief
pound me all over
until blinded eyes learn why
*
They are right:
lost, no direction.
and i blame Them
for trapping me
so that i no longer know
what to do to
how to move to
who to go to
where to look to
just live
25 August 2011
22 August 2011
31 07 2011, Sydney
[Written for l honneur de timur's rezeption happening - 27 08 2011, Berlin]
When we talk about receiving someone we imagine them to be physically before us
When we talk about missing someone we imagine them to be physically absent
Reverse the terms
How much do you hear?
How much do you see?
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Can we be together?
It is the same story over and over
The same numbness and the same loss
The same ecstasy and the same gain
Whose loss and whose gain?
Reverse the terms
Reverse the terms
Reverse the terms
They are only terms after all
Grammar has long chained us
As it does now
From feeling each other to be here with each other now
Now, now, now
Here together
Again, again and again
Past, present, future
Present, present, present
Does it make a difference
What we say
What we said
What we will say
Are you here with me?
Instead we are fearful that we will be seen
That All Will Be Revealed
And so we conceal
Forget about being seen
What do you feel?
Are we here?
Do you hear me?
Can we be together?
Hear me as I hear you
Say that, please
Hear me as I hear you
Does it make a difference
What we say
What we said
What we will say
Are you here with me?
Ask me that, please
Repeat it back to me, now
Are you here with me
If I have lost you, I am no longer here
If I was never here, you have lost me
Let's understand that
Let's hear that together
Tell me that
Reverse the terms
Receive me missing
When we talk about receiving someone we imagine them to be physically before us
When we talk about missing someone we imagine them to be physically absent
Reverse the terms
How much do you hear?
How much do you see?
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Can we be together?
It is the same story over and over
The same numbness and the same loss
The same ecstasy and the same gain
Whose loss and whose gain?
Reverse the terms
Reverse the terms
Reverse the terms
They are only terms after all
Grammar has long chained us
As it does now
From feeling each other to be here with each other now
Now, now, now
Here together
Again, again and again
Past, present, future
Present, present, present
Does it make a difference
What we say
What we said
What we will say
Are you here with me?
Instead we are fearful that we will be seen
That All Will Be Revealed
And so we conceal
Forget about being seen
What do you feel?
Are we here?
Do you hear me?
Can we be together?
Hear me as I hear you
Say that, please
Hear me as I hear you
Does it make a difference
What we say
What we said
What we will say
Are you here with me?
Ask me that, please
Repeat it back to me, now
Are you here with me
If I have lost you, I am no longer here
If I was never here, you have lost me
Let's understand that
Let's hear that together
Tell me that
Reverse the terms
Receive me missing
6 August 2011
06 08 2011, Sydney
the pain of time passing
of feeling that it is passed
is unbearable
we feel this time but cannot see it
'signs of change'
have nothing to do with time itself
and everything to do with vain attempts
to fix time to a physicality
a body, a face, a city
to possess it
we will feel them all change,
think we see time's traces,
try to grasp its cruelty,
and why we will never see again as we did
but only feel something is no longer
look at your face
time is not there, engraved
time is beating in your chest
floating about your mind
bleeding from your skin
and one day it will be pulsing through your inert body
of feeling that it is passed
is unbearable
we feel this time but cannot see it
'signs of change'
have nothing to do with time itself
and everything to do with vain attempts
to fix time to a physicality
a body, a face, a city
to possess it
we will feel them all change,
think we see time's traces,
try to grasp its cruelty,
and why we will never see again as we did
but only feel something is no longer
look at your face
time is not there, engraved
time is beating in your chest
floating about your mind
bleeding from your skin
and one day it will be pulsing through your inert body
2 August 2011
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