11 December 2011

08 12 2011, London

[Written for I'm with you's I'm with you : Occupy London event - 08 12 2011, London]

I woke up in a new bed, well
I laid in luxuriously
I was warm and I was comfortable and I was enjoying the light
I was daydreaming
But I was annoyed at myself
Because last night I couldn't do what I'd set out to do that evening
I couldn't bring myself to
Make the move that I so wanted to make
The move that seemed so easy in dreams but so impossible in confrontation
Because I was somehow, somewhere, irrationally

Fearful of rejection (which logically I'm quite sure would not have come)
Fearful of putting myself on the edge, making myself vulnerable and responsible and risking comfort
I despise this fear, it is poison,
And rationally, existentially,
I know that audacity in fact very rarely brings about rejection
And that being comfortable, secure and acceptable is not what I want – in theory
For surely if audacity could bring about rejection, in any form
Then it is a pill worth swallowing
For it can only help

Whereas fear, the opposite of audacity, or boldness as we may like to call it
Is like being rejected without even the attempt!

So to choose fear over audacity
Because there is less chance of overt rejection
Is like choosing rejection straight up
Choosing rejection before even permitting the attempt
Choosing rejection before even attempting to move

I know all this ! And yet … the fear is there
So how do we confront?
How do we move?
We must move!

I propose the attempt itself as the kernel of audacious and bold life
We know we must move
We must move in all directions
In any direction
We must only ensure that we are not deluding ourselves that rejection isn't worth the risk

So don't let me stand on the safe side
The side where my sensible, well-trained mind is very comfortable, actually
The side that prevents us from moving

The side where there are no attempts, just preempts

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