"You Who Will Never Be Mine" (L.I.)
it is always, always the self
under scrutiny
in any issue whatsoever
in every circumstance whatever
the self may believe the other to be a cause for scrutiny
the self may believe that the other demands scrutiny
the self may think:
why did the other do this to me?
what does the other want from me?
why doesn't the other understand me?
but the other is merely a foil through which the self ignorantly
auto-scrutinises
scrutiny is directed at the other by the self, flowing from the self
the self believes in the other's problems, in the other's ideas, in the other's necessity or uselessness
rather,
every thing the self says to, thinks of, does towards the other
is merely a reflection of the self
a projection of the self
an idea of the self
the necessity of the self
the other serves to give the self excuses and blindfolds for the self's
weaknesses, loneliness, desires, faults, confusions, obsessions, fears
if only the self would see the other as just that
other
as is
then the self would see
there is no need for scrutiny
and without scrutiny, the excuses and blindfolds appear as ludicrous as they are cruel
these would fall away and the self's fears would seem tolerable
because the other is there, just there
but never near enough to scrutinise
the self will then stop bothering the other with all that hidden self stuff
and they will both learn they will never know the other
but that they can try to learn to know the self
together
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